Agent Orange has effected my Quality of Life

By elkmagik

1 min read

I am Vietnam Disabled Veteran who didn't know I was until flash-backs began after 9-11.

I had suffered from shaky hands since 1970 when I got my Honorable Discharge, but continued working full-time for the next 30+ years as a Commercial Electrician & High Voltage Splicer, when my tremors got so bad I could not work in my trade. After my flashbacks I did get into the VA system, but denied my claim on AO exposure, which is a normal practice so it took a decade before I got authorization for DBS which did calm my hand shakes for near 5 years, then my batteries failed so I had surgery for new ones. The surgery left me with hand tremors enough I had to stop all my art, sculpting, working on the basement, etc.

Now for the past 6 months my upper legs muscles keep locking up making my gait unsteady, my body movement is becoming eradicate & jerky, my speech is difficult. My falls are becoming serious, causing injuries.

My wife gets angry at my increasing clumsiness but refuses to talk about my PD or how PD is causing my ED, which her complaints do not help nor does her anger. I have considered divorce, which my son encourages me to do, I have considered an affair, but I am not ready for that really, I have considered suicide but it's too final & doesn't allow changing my mind.

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joanna.bodner Community Admin
Dear <inline-mention user-id="3063869" username="elkmagik"/> , I first want to thank you for your service and also commend you on sharing your personal PD story with us. I am so sorry to hear of what life altering difficulties you have now been forced to endure all likely due to your AO exposure. You sure have had quite a difficult journey and sure continue to experience many hardships. We sure understand just how difficult this must be to manage. I am also so sorry to hear that it does not sound like you are receiving the type of support you need. It sounds like you said she is not being receptive to even discuss, but have you considered seeking help & support from a 3rd (neutral) party such possible therapist together? Know you are never alone in this! As we do with all of our members is to encourage them to get the support they deserve! Not only from your doctors or online, but in-person support groups, therapists, etc. Don't give up hope for better days. I know you indicated that ending things is too final & does allow for changing your mind and you are absolutely right, but should these thoughts creep in or if you are ever in danger of harming yourself, there is always someone to talk to! 24/7 you can always reach out to... For Veterans: 1-800-273-8255 (available 24/7) or online chat The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 Thank you again for sharing your story & especially being part of our community. Warmly, Joanna (ParkinsonsDisease.Net Team)
1. farmerdave Member
 Remember this .....Never go to hospital alone.You will not get meds.on time,if at all.They will take your meds away from you.You must have someone with you that is the only way.You can also stash some if you can.That is what a dr. told me to do.Be careful.Farmer Dave
2. Marc Mitnick Member
 <inline-mention username="farmerdave" user-id="3059274"/> Thank you for your comment, farmerdH. You are correct that most hospitals will not permit you to take your own home medicines at the bedside. They prefer you tell them what and when your medicines are taken at home. The attending physician will review them and order them through the hospital's pharmacy during your stay there. The timeframe of when the medicines are administered must be followed by the nurse, otherwise, they are out of compliance with physician orders, which can be subject to fines issued by your state's health department. Best, ParkinsonsDisease.Net, Marc M., Moderator
jeanita Member
Are you having your DBS recalibrated periodically? Many of the issues mentioned might be improved by recalibrating the DBS. Physical therapy and speech therapy could e very helpful. Are you seeing a Movement Disorder Specialist? Have you and your wife considered attending a Parkinson’s support group?
shakybigbro Member
I too have PD as result of our beloved AGENT ORANGE. I also have PTSD and diabetes from Vietnam. My wife is probably the only reason I am alive. The battle with PTSD is never over. She is still with me and has supported me since I got out of the Corps in “69”. She has been needed in my battle with diabetes and the onset of PD has proven to only increased her importance to me. If I didn’t have her complete support I couldn’t make it. You have to have some one that will pick you up when you. A wife is too close to you too keep if she doesn’t support you. Best of everything to you!
farmerdave Member
Get to the VA pronto.Talk to someone.Maybe you and your wife together. Get some help it is available. Don't give up.You made it through hell once which tells me you are a tough sob. A brother
farmerdave Member
The va has some help for you and your wife.Look into va home health care.You should check out smc aid and attendance.A service officer could help you with these. Good luck hang in.
April.Sluder Member
<inline-mention user-id="3063869" username="elkmagik"/> Thank you for your service. I'm sorry you have had to deal with so much over the years. Have you and your wife tried therapy both as a couple and individually? It's not surprising that there is a lot of stress and therapy can sometimes be helpful. April - <a href='https://parkinsonsdisease.net' target='_blank'>ParkinsonsDisease.net</a> Team