Welcome to Parkinsonville

A haunting series of scenes recently woke me in the wee hours of the morning. I vividly recalled visiting a strange new town, but the details were fuzzy. I took several deep breaths and sipped some water. This place had seemed as familiar as it had strange. “Think,” I told myself.

A town for people with Parkinson's

I remembered traveling on a main highway and taking an off-ramp I had passed many times. A large “Welcome to Parkinsonville” sign was followed by a smaller one that read, “Tune your radio to 1817 AM for city information.”

Okay, I was game and punched it in. The announcements began with “Welcome to Parkinsonville, where all the care partners are strong, all the persons with Parkinson’s are good looking, and all the town’s children are above average.”¹ That sounded vaguely familiar and my memory slowly began to release some details.

Founded by Dr. James Parkinson

Parkinsonville is home to the county courthouse, the centerpiece of a captivating town square. The lone historical marker is about Dr. James Parkinson who laid the initial plans for this little burg back in 1817.

That was the year he wrote about the “shaking palsy,” the essay touted by town historians as his best-known work. Passersby can observe flower beds filled with Doctor James Parkinson tulips.

On the square’s north side is the mayor’s office. You can read city reports posted in the window to learn that the average age at move-in is between 54 and 64. Newcomers are more often white men and a large number are retired. Younger adults that move here (young-onset Parkinson’s) bring their families, thus the city reports on educational spending and tests that reveal all their kids are above average.

The huge budget is heavily subsidized. Town events that are posted include the monthly city-wide social and weekly activities that take place in the legendary Paramount Theatre.

Slowed-movement is common

Traffic moves slowly through P-ville, a nickname considered quite funny by some insiders. Traffic lights last twice as long as anywhere else and the speed limit never exceeds 20 MPH. Medical offices and health businesses occupy every other street corner. Fitness and community centers abound, and their parking lots are full all day.

Visitors often cruise up and down the length of Main Street before hunting a parking place. They realize there are many more handicapped spaces than not. They notice extra-wide sidewalks filled with a large number of folks using walkers or wheelchairs. Curbs do not exist. The number of slow-moving pedestrians in crosswalks may explain those long traffic lights.

Shop for Parkinson's friendly devices

Store windows are filled with Parkinson’s-friendly gadgets and clothing alongside current couture. Restaurants are plentiful. Food selections are heavy on whole grains, vegetables, fruits and beans.

Menus feature interesting notes, such as this medication reminder, “Allow enough time between certain meds and your meal. The kitchen staff can slow down or speed up food preparation based on this information if you let us know.”

Favorite coffee shops have sufficient daytime business and hop at night because many persons with Parkinson’s do not sleep then. It should come as no surprise that siesta hours are posted on many stores in town.

Therapy for speaking volume

Parkinsonville is a quiet place because so many of the persons with Parkinson’s have hypophonia, aka a weak voice. The library has no need for “Quiet, please” signs and long ago the movie theatre ditched reminders to stop talking during the movie.

Speech pathologists are in high demand. Citizens who join a program to increase their speaking volume typically exit those sessions to join a choral group. These choirs share their talents during holidays and at special events.

A growing population of people with Parkinson's

City residents participate in many research projects. Researchers know that Parkinsonville is THE place to find participants, particularly because the population continues to boom into the 2020s.

Wait a minute! The Parkinson’s population will continue to boom throughout the 2020s? That thought, alone, brings me to stop exhorting the lovely city of P-ville. I could go on, but I am not a historian, city planner, or stand-up comedian.

I am a person with Parkinson’s, I am an advocate for living well each day, which includes maintaining a sense of humor. I dream about life without Parkinson’s, thus, I hope for a cure. Parkinsonville seems like a nice place to visit, but I really wish I did not have to live there.

This tongue-in-cheek tale of Parkinsonville includes modified opening lines that pay homage to Garrison Keillor who welcomed everyone to Lake Wobegon “where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”¹ Lake Wobegon, a fictitious town, is memorable while Parkinsonville is a city we wish we could forget.