Radical Acceptance of My Life's Challenges

I have become a radical in my elder years! Over many years, I have embraced radical acceptance slowly, although I did not know its name. Radical acceptance is when you cannot fix things that have happened in your life that are unfair, but you can control them.

According to Dr. Marsha Linehan, Psychologist, and creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, "Radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control, and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging."¹

My life has been challenged many times with catastrophic invasions that I could not change. I tried to accept them each time, which was a difficult process and hard to do.

Coping with painful situations

Challenges began with the death of my daughter at 17 years old to Muscular Dystrophy. A few years later, my wife passed away at age 53, from Ovarian Cancer. Then again, years later, it happened to my girlfriend, who was 57 years old, when she also died of Ovarian Cancer. Now, at 71 years old, I am living with Parkinson’s disease (PD).

Meanwhile, I started seeing a psychologist who taught me how to stop painful situations from turning into long-term suffering by practicing radical acceptance. After an extended period, these life markers were followed by radically accepting each tragedy, disappointment, and unfairness in life.

I'm not agreeing with what has happened to me, but I have accepted these situations and have gone on living my life ... even with PD! Radical acceptance has unburdened my heart from these awful events. I am experiencing a type of self-kindness that has released me from suffering.

Accepting my Parkinson's diagnosis

Radical acceptance helped me stop experiencing the emotional responses from these past events that I could not fix and wished never happened. Consequently, now I experience an inner calmness over time that I feel today.

I cannot change the past or my PD, but I can now look at it differently. Therefore, I have released the denial, fear, bitterness, and sadness of the past so that I can now accept the cards that PD has dealt me.

I start each day being positive and taking on all the challenges that PD throws at me. Next, I do not look back at my past, since I am involved in only the present. Importantly, I have accepted my PD, and I am happier and kinder to myself.

Coming to terms with loss

Radical acceptance makes it easier to accept my speed bumps in life, without feeling depressed or anxious. That is to say, I may not agree with the tragedies in life, but I accept them as real events that I have experienced. Gradually, I moved on.

My mantra today is, “I can only control MY present moment in time." In other words, I can’t change any of my histories. There is no benefit in dwelling in the past.

Moreover, I don’t understand why all my past losses have happened, but I can now accept that they did and move on with my life.

Living in the moment

In conclusion, by not radically accepting my past, I was denying myself the feeling of joy in life. Anxious and depressed most of the time, I experienced little happiness.

Living in the moment with radical acceptance and dealing with PD, positively influences how I live my life.

I cannot control how or why I have PD. I can only accept it as reality ... but I don’t agree that it is fair for one to have been afflicted with it. Life goes on.