Memory Loss and Parkinson’s

My mom is in the kitchen when I catch her with tears in her eyes. I don’t know what happened, but I’m venturing a guess.

I’ve seen changes that Parkinson’s has made to my dad, too. And I know how it feels to see pieces of his memory escape him.

But how much of it is due to aging? And is it easier to stomach when you know the trajectory is natural instead of synthetic?

Seeing cognitive changes

Parkinson’s disease is full of all kinds of different motor symptoms that can easily be seen. But the symptoms that are, perhaps, more difficult to grapple with are those that can’t be seen.

For example, small changes to one’s cognitive state have been associated with the disease – a fact that’s particularly apparent when tough or stressful moments are impacting your loved one.¹

For me, I notice a glimmering moment where a word escapes my dad – it’s something that doesn’t immediately strike me as a Parkinson’s symptom. But it might be. I’m not sure whether it matters. All I know is that the change is scary. And I don’t want to see it.

Some people with Parkinson’s disease have also been known to experience slower thoughts, less concentration, and recall. While aging may result in some forgetfulness like losing belongings or missing appointments.²

Difficulty with recall

The first time I noticed a change to my dad’s recall was about 6 months ago. I was excitedly telling him about a trip I might take to Nepal, explaining the details that related to going.

He paused me when I was describing the Sherpas – or the porters who would fix ropes onto Mt. Everest to make it safer for everybody else. He didn’t know what a Sherpa was. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t find it surprising to be asked what a "Sherpa" is, but I’d been to Nepal before, and I was certain that we’d talked about them.

I also realize that Nepal isn’t a standard topic of conversation, and that language that relates to the place may be more difficult to access than day-to-day language. Maybe memory is like a second language – the less you use it, the less you have it?

If we’d regularly discussed Nepal, maybe the outcome of our conversation would’ve been different. I’m not sure.

Normal forgetfulness

I’ve noticed changes to my mom’s memory, too. She doesn’t have Parkinson’s, but there are times when she couldn't think of the right word. Or the name of someone we once knew escapes her.

I find comfort in knowing that she exhibits some of the same forgetfulness that my dad does because it may mean that his symptoms are just a normal part of growing older.

Of course, growing older isn’t always an easy concept to confront either. But Parkinson’s is so relentless in its thievery, that observing a standard rate of decline seems to offer an optimistic perspective.

By the time my mom’s tears have dried, I feel a little heavier and lighter all at once. At least we’re in this together, and we have each other to lean on when our hearts are fractured.