A Final Goodbye

My Dear ParkinsonsDisease.net Community,

It is with a grave heart that I inform you this is my last article for ParkinsonsDisease.net. While I have thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated writing for you, hearing from you and receiving all your support, I am sad to say my time here is over. It is certainly not by choice.

Today marks nearly 5 months since my father passed. He died early in the morning at 7:32 AM on Sunday, May 2, 2021. That day feels like yesterday and also a distant memory.

The day went in a blur of delivered food and crying headaches. Family flew in just in time and as per the Islamic tradition, we buried my father mere hours after he took his last breath.

Sending my love

I’m not entirely sure why it has taken me so long to write this final article ... to put into writing that he is dead. Maybe because I have loved and enjoyed being part of this incredible community, tied together by a mutual difficulty.

Maybe because I loved being able to come here and just vent about dealing with my father and his Parkinson’s. Whatever the reason, I write this article now with peace and love for you all.

Coming to terms with Parkinson's

Over the past 4 years, since my father’s diagnosis, I spent so much time trying to understand how to manage his sickness, only recently coming to terms with the fact that this disease is degenerative and progressive.

I spent countless days wondering how much longer he would have to suffer, eventually realizing he could live for decades with this awful disease. I made peace with that idea.

I thought to myself I could very well spend the rest of my adult life taking care of him and managing his dementia - looking for every possible way that I could to live my life but also manage his.

We didn't see it coming

Here is where I might get a bit spiritual. Ultimately, I am a woman of faith. How little did I know of what God had in store for us. For me and my family. For my father. It feels like the minute I made peace with my father having this disease, God decided it was time for him to go.

It wasn’t Parkinson’s that took him - as it never is according to all the websites that come up when you Google "How long do people live with Parkinson’s?" It was his heart.

His big and generous and loving heart. His artery could no longer hold up after having had 4 heart attacks over the past 20 years. Still, we really really did not see it coming.

Staying by his side

And so, my siblings and I flew in, I flew in last - something I am still coming to terms with. We gathered around his bed, spoke to his doctor, discussed his options with him and let him decide what he wanted.

He clearly stated if his heart flatlined again he did not want life saving measures. The doctors made him comfortable and let my 4 siblings, mother and I sit by my father’s side as he breathed his last breaths.

Expressing my gratitude

I cannot put into words the gratitude I have for this community. At my lowest points, I came here to write out all my emotions, the good ones but mainly the bad ones.

I was able to gain insight on how to help my father in what turned out to be his final years. Though I fear I will never truly come to terms with his passing, I am grateful that he did not live to endure the worst of his disease.