Can We Talk? It's 3:18am! (Part Four)
Read part three here.
It is 3:18am! Sweet sleep..."where art thou?" LOL! We have got to stop meeting like this!
Honestly, I am really glad to find you awake, staring at the ceiling of a dark bedroom as I am, again! I gather the love of your life has Parkinson's disease too? It's ok, I know how you feel. Today was "one" of those days for me. Ever have one too? For the most part, I manage to provide care for his needs while wearing many hats; chief cook, laundry patrol, mom, taxi driver/Uber, teacher,... House cleaner?... Who has time for all that?
Want to hear something crazy?
This is one of those rare mornings that Parkinson's disease (PD) is not to blame for stirring me out of my precious slumber. Nope! It was not any of my other "friends" either: dystonia cramping, a "medtime" mishap; or a frightening nightmare! PD does not get the credit for our night time reunion today! No, sirree!
Instead, I am pleased to share that tonight my rest is interrupted by something normal. Yes, I am awake at 3:18 a.m. by just an ordinary case of sharing space with my spouse doing that night time thing that people without Parkinson's do too! In fact, this activity to wake me up is, I feel, a cause for celebration; an excuse to party; an event so ordinary for most the fact that the normalcy of it all causes me joy!... I woke up to the sweetest sound and loudest noise ever: snoring!
And the snoring is so loud, it woke up our sleeping dog! I worry that when the sun rises and we can see the house, it will be sawed to pieces. Well, I'm awake now. So, tell me...
How was your day?
Mine? Well,... I wish I could tell you it was one of those peachy days going about my favorite role of Parkinson's care partner. But, no; it wasn't. In fact, it was pretty damn frustrating. Sometimes, it is just so hard to know what to do, and what not to do. On one hand, while purposely doing less for him encourages his needed physical activity, it is hard to watch him struggle. And frankly, I really like helping him button his shirt or snap his new suspenders. (Socks, on the other hand, I never enjoy helping with the task of bending fabric around a perpendicular frozen foot. But, that's another story completely!)
So, as I lay awake assessing my success today in my job as the care partner, I remember to try my best for my husband in the moment. When my attempts are met with frustration, I remind myself that it is the Parkinson's that's trying to wear us down. And when I am feeling like I am not enough for him, like no matter how hard I try to help and my every effort just can't seem to please him or fix PD, I remember this message from Proverbs 3:18-24:
She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.
By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place;
by his knowledge the watery depths were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew.
My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion;
they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down,
your sleep will be sweet.
Have you ever tried journaling?