I bore myself

After 5 long years, single and alone with a bad dog, I would think that I was adapting. I am in ways that are important as a good person. I was so uncomfortable watching my friends go on with living their life. I chose to be isolated from that loss. I am so uncomfortable with there wellness, compared to my illness. I don’t paint any more. Or date. If my meds go ‘off‘ while I am out, I am terrified that I will not make it back home safe. I search for my strength to guide me. I just feel so angry, and I was always the happy one.

This can not be the end of my story, the answer is inside of me and I believe the meaning will free me. Maybe, my isolating myself does not make sense to many, but I did not want to be jealous of others happiness, or be a burden. Where do I go from here, and do I need a guide.

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