Posy Wonders If She Is Fooling Herself or Others
Posy was trying to psych herself up to take a solo trip to visit her daughter in Florida. But, as finances were tight, and Parkinson's disease had made the previous trips so difficult, she was not sure she could manage it.
"But you seem so well," remarked Posy’s friend. "You don’t seem ill? You’re a strong, capable person! Of course, you will be able to make the trip alone."
What is the problem?
"What is the matter with me?" pondered Posy. "I used to make that trip all the time ... What makes me think I can’t do it now?"
Luckily, with all her past frequent airline travel, Posy was still confident in dealings with gate agents, flight attendants, awkward passengers, cancellations, flight changes, etcetera. She also has no fear of flying. So, what is the problem?
Was Posy realistic in doubting her stamina, or had she been fooling her friends and herself in attempting to appear fresh as a daisy, only at "on" times?
A difficult trip
Perhaps this particular journey was just too exhausting or complicated? The layover was definitely the hardest part. There is no direct flight from London to Jacksonville, so baggage must be rechecked again on arrival into the USA.
Then one must trek from one end of Atlanta airport to the other, while exhausted, and undergo security check all over again.
This process almost overwhelmed Posy on the trips made a few months prior ... and that was when she was accompanied by her husband. He carried the bags and encouraged her through it all. He sat Posy in cafes and went up to the counter to order. He carried all the documentation and organized all the COVID testing. He checked in online and printed out QR codes. He dealt with all the "stuff!"
Posy felt like a child being dragged along, taking very little responsibility. "That is why you should challenge yourself and do it," remarked Posy’s friend. "You need to restore your self-belief."
In complete contrast to taking a trip across the world, Posy realized that, even at home, she could manage only one event in a day. If this event was small and not too taxing, like a walk round the village, an online Zoom meeting, or a short rehearsal, Posy might fit in some housework, too.
However, if the event involved hosting, going out to lunch, or a day trip, Posy collapsed in bed on her return. (Do you also seek out your bed? Posy’s healthy dad used to nap in his armchair at various points during the day. But when Posy is tired, she feels extremely cold, and feels compelled to snuggle under the duvet.)
Posy is afraid that this fatigue will make her give up halfway through the trip. It is a 30-hour day! Will she just run out of energy, stop functioning and lie down for a nap in the customs hall?
Lack of confidence
Maybe this lack of confidence is a temporary or sporadic thing? It seems to be a bit of a roller coaster with Parkinson’s. One month Posy was astounding everyone by writing and rehearsing a musical day and night. Then she was like a Zombie for 2 weeks.
Posy can sparkle one day, then drag herself around as though her shoes were blocks of concrete the next. This is her pattern. Who knows which day will be a good one? How should Posy make plans? Generally, her advice would be rest before the events. But energy is not guaranteed.
Somehow, Posy needs to get a handle on this situation before she travels again. How do you prepare for a long trip? Suggestions welcome!
Have you or a loved one ever tried speech therapy?