Cultivating Friendships: “You've Got a Friend in Me"

We all need friends. Isolation is a killer. Some People with Parkinson's disease have friends as caregivers. How lovely it must have been for someone to volunteer for this difficult role! (Posy and her sister had no hesitation in looking after their beloved dad, but it still was not an easy task.)

Cultivating friendships

How does one cultivate such true friendship? Wisdom comes mainly with experience. As a young lady, Posy enjoyed having many friends, but sometimes felt that they were a little wary of her.

Why? Was there a perceived inequality? Compared with others, Posy was fairly confident. Were they putting her on some sort of pedestal?

One day it occurred to Posy that people might prefer their friends to have (and confess to) weaknesses. After all, no one wants to be reminded of their own shortcomings by comparison!

The perception of others

This was long before Parkinson’s interfered with her life. Although Posy did not yet have any major illnesses or obvious visible defects, she was, like most people, dissatisfied with aspects of her appearance (such as her fine hair and angular facial Celtic bone structure.)

Posy was therefore surprised, but delighted, when she was approached by a scout from a (very minor) modeling agency. Unfortunately, this gave her ample opportunity to compare herself unfavorably to the other, much prettier girls.

Yet, these gorgeous beings were also insecure. Underneath, most were trembling, trying hard to hold up their heads in such a competitive market.

Trying to empathize

Posy had always found showing off to be abhorrent, so she consciously avoided it. Some girls seemed to upset, upstage, or belittle others. Did they feel aggrandized by this?

Posy tried to see the perpetrator’s point of view. Usually, it turned out that their mean-spirited behavior came from pain. Posy did not have any terrible experiences in her life up to this point, so she tried to empathize with those who hurt her.

Could Uriah Heep be a role model? Would self-deprecation enable people to relax and feel good in her company? Posy loved people and could always find something nice about them to compliment, but maybe she needed to take herself down a bit in their eyes, too? This was a rather depressing activity! She need not have worried: Downfall was imminent.

Turning misfortune around

BIM! ... Divorce! Posy learned from her own trauma and went on to advise others on how to save their marriages.

BAM! ... Unexpected health issues! Posy gained knowledge and consequently enlightened countless ladies who were silently going mad with depression, anxiety, migraines, and other symptoms of perimenopause.

BOOM! ... Parkinson's disease! Ok, this was a big, ugly defect. However, by changing her mantra to "Why not me?" her positive approach enables others to feel better.

Elevating others

In a backhanded kind of way, Parkinson’s has given Posy more wisdom, joy, acceptance, and even more friends than she had before.

If our suffering helps others to appreciate all that they have, that is a bonus. If our unpleasant experiences or weird brains can help scientists find a cure for Parkinson’s, that will benefit future generations.

Let us all be part of this global friendship. Through our suffering, we can help others. We can rise above our struggles and elevate others. The provenance of true joy is not possessions, wealth, success, or even good health. It is pure love.