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I am so invested in understanding all of the terms and medications, symptoms, that my head is spinning. I want to catch up at a difficult time cognitively. Lately I am losing short term memory and am generally confused. I'm having difficulty finding words and speaking, I have a kind of stutter, then there is intense paranoia. I keep thinking people hate me. I write bazar emails asking them and then feel foolish. very hard on myself.

I have a great neurology group offering support on all these levels of concern, but have only just started working with them. I have guilt for being a burden, can't walk or use my hands, can't write not even a signature. I am always in pain everything hurts, i freeze up, experience inertia and apathy. all of it. it was progressing before my diagnose, which i also doubt is true. sometimes i just doubt I even have PD
Mostly I fall which is what got me in to see a neurologist in the first place. so I know i had it for years before. It was slowly cooking.
I don't know where I am in the progression but it is suddenly worse auiockly.
As i read more i get the symptoms and mental instability. At pt they told me I'm not moving my arms when i walk which is why i fell flat on my face breaking my nose, i didn't put my hands out to break the fall.
Mostly i am very hard on myself and find i apologize too often. I m very grateful for my friends and some of my family those who can accept it.
I hate that I can't offer more to my husband who has picked up the pieces of my life. Thank you for tolerating my venting. This time I am really scared, much more than the cancer diagnosis, or lupus or RA or blood clots, i eat pills like they are meals. I buy groceries then don't have the energy to cook.
These sites are saving my life thank you

  1. I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time and hope your neurology group can help you find some solutions. It is difficult to not feel guilty but it helps to remember that you are not responsible for your situation. Is there a support group on line that you can participate in? You can just listen if it is too uncomfortable for you to join in. Do you see a counselor as well? It can help with finding acceptance of your feelings. I am glad you find this site helpful and remember we are all here for you. Thea DeStephano Community Team Member

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